If trust is lost, can it ever really be restored?

Perspective

I need some perspective on my perspective. One of the hardest things to do in life is to determine whether your reactions to events are appropriately measured. You have to be yourself, but a lack of perspective can be damaging to yourself and others in the long run.

Try to step outside and watch yourself. Do it in relation to those you admire most.

Basic needs.

Food and water.
Love.

The human body.
The soul.

The body needs the soul.
The soul does not need the body.

The one eternal need is love.

Flying

Riding a motorcycle without a helmet is like having God run his fingers through your hair.

There aren't many more days left to ride this year. Today was a nice one. Leaves falling from trees, hitting the road, spinning as traffic flies through, flying up to graze my face.

A beautiful ride.

When is it too late?

You can't start learning to swim when you are drowning.
Don't wait to appreciate water until you are parched.

It has become much too cliche to be reminded to treasure everything we have because we never know when it might be gone. The reminders often come from walking Hallmark cards; the message being lost in the saccharine delivery.

The irony is that we often do not realize that the message is true until it's too late.

There is a point at which friendship dies.
There is a point at which support dies.

The wounds that healed in the past almost always left scars. The scars were then breached and the wounds reopened. At some point they can no longer be closed. Or the will to close them is gone because they will only be reopened again.

There is a story about a man whose friend kills him through gross negligence. As the man is dying he looks at his friend and says, "I forgive you. But you have killed me nonetheless."

Pay attention.

mawiage

It's somewhat easy to keep a marriage together.
Kindness. Respect. Selflessness. The Golden Rule.
Keeping a marriage together has very little to do with love.
It is simply honoring a contract.
To some people, there are apparently several unbreakable contracts.
Marriage. Having kids.
You can get out of most any other contract in life.
Work. Friends. Education.
You can also perhaps get out of your kid contract at some point.
You're obligated to them until they are 18.
A kid can get out of the contract at that time, choosing to have nothing to do with a parent.
Marriage is apparently the real unbreakable contract.
Search the net for the voices that say it must be kep together no matter what.
The voices that say a broken relationship is the fault of both.
But I think those people are the ones who are or who have faced losing a partner.
They are angry that the other person is doing what he or she is doing.
Not working it out.
They want the other person to share the blame for something that might lie mostly on side.
A selfish partner can be almost solely at fault.
An indifferent partner can be almost completely at fault.
There will almost always be one who carries more of the load than the other.
Those people don't know what it's like to be on the other side.
To feel the loneliness. The isolation. Being invisible.
It remains true for any circumstance: until you've lived it, you don't know what it's like.
Even if you think you do.
And even if you have experienced, no two people experience the exact same thing.
Variables will always be there.
It is apparent I am consumed.
A relationship pervades the day.
A good relationship buoys.
A bad relationship sinks.
But the contract is unbreakable.
So I guess you have to learn to float no matter the circumstance.
But how?
Yes, it's easy to keep a marriage together.
It isn't easy to find connection.
Connection can't be forced.
Love can't be forced.
Keep it together.

Monday

Colunbus Day. A day of false discovery?

Don't think today.

Or think, and enjoy discovering something new about yourself that isn't true.

Depression

I've been depressed for most of my adult life. Diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. The manic episodes are manifest by energy to work for very long periods at a time. I take a project and work straight through. Up all night. The depressive periods are a sudden crash. As a part of my job I teach a lot of classes and seminars. I can be animated while teaching and enjoy interacting with the students. Then the second I walk out of the class I crash into depression. It is sudden and pronounced. I can be doing one of my favorite activities, such as fly-fishing, and the minute I am done and back at the truck, the crash comes. Medication has helped. But the thing that might help the most is better control of my life. People say that happiness is ultimately within one's own control. That is probably true. But it is probably easier for some than others. There is so much that is out of our control that comes into our lives on a regular basis. Those things affect our ability to grasp and hold onto happiness for extended periods. We try to hold onto the rope but we get rope burns from the buffetings. A child who almost dies while doing drugs. A child in trouble with the law. A hard relationship between your spouse and your children, which creates a mood in the house that affects all. A difficult relationship with your spouse who lacks self esteem and who is consistenly focused on self. A spouse who is unreliable. A spouse who is so dependent on you and has no other support system and who is so ill-equipped to deal with hard things that you know you can't let go and you know that you have to be extremely careful to avoid harming an already fragile vision of self. These are the things that can make depression harder to avoid. The things that make happiness harder to hold onto. It's within our control - happy no matter what - but danged if it isn't just too hard some days.

Peace of mind. Does happiness come with it? Is there peace of mind in doing the right thing according to what others tell you is the right thing? Is there peace of mind in doing what you believe to be the right thing? Is there peace of mind in both, but they are different? Is peace of mind more important than happiness?

I'm now a blogger
Finding a virtual voice
Writer's block starts now